My dad hates me, I Can't take it anymore?
I’m 15, and I’m from illinois and I’m not sure what the laws here are, but all i know is that im pretty sure my dad, possibly both my parents hate me. My sister is in the business school at the university of illinois, she got straight a’s. My dad is a head at a law firm and he got straight a’s, my mom got good grades, not straight a’s, and I’ve always been more like my mom. In middle school, I remember one night him yelling at me, over an F (5 points, homework) saying it doesn’t matter that it was 5 points, it’s the fact that I forgot. He screamed at me for what seemed like hours, but I think was only a half an hour. My mom tries to calm him down, but she can’t. I literally peed myself I was so scared. I’m a sophomore in high school, last year I got 3 b+’s, 2 b’s first semester, and 3 b+’s and 2 a’s second semester. To me, those are great grades, but to my dad, they aren’t. When I was little I had a lying problem and to this day my parents don’t trust me. Occasionally I’ll get caught lying to them now, but it’s on stupid things, regular teen stuff and he blows it way out of porportion. I don’t do drugs or drink or anything like that, it’s regular teen stuff. One month into school, I currently have a 4.0 GPA which im pretty proud of, and things are going great, but again tonight he asked me what my tests covered that I had today, and I said chapter one. That’s the first thing that entered my head when he asked because that’s what we refer to it as in class yet he escalated things and wound up calling me ‘fucking immature’ (I’ve only heard him say fuck SO few times) and I swear he was going to hit me. I know that he beat me once when I was home alone with him when I was 10. It was even my birthday, and I had lied about something stupid and he beat me. Lately I feel like my mind is repressing it because every day I run over what happened in my head, and every day that passes it seems more and more like it didn’t happen, but I distinctly remember even telling my mom when she got home. I always wonder why I didn’t run that night, but that’s beside the point. He’s very successful, and I’m extremely content with the things in my life. He always says that I’m going to screw up and he won’t be able to help me, yet it seems like the ’screw ups’ are people with even worse grades than straight b’s, which is what I can get with 0 effort put in. He doesn’t have any friends (besides his so-called ‘golf buddies’ and co-workers [which I think hate him having met them]), yet I do. I’m more athletic than he was, and I think he takes it personally. I’ve had suicidal thoughts before, I’ve even wanted to run away. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to leave the town I’m in, desperately. Not once has he acknowledged the fact that I’m doing great and were already a month into school, it’s like he always tries to find the negatives, and it gives him a sick pleasure it making me torture. He always compares me to my sister saying she had better study habbits, etc etc. Well, she didn’t play any sports and lose time to do work, she didn’t play video games which most boys do, and she lied to them a shit load, she just never got caught. The main thing is, when he yells at me, I can’t get a word out. He always just assumes I want to be successful like him, but it’s the last thing I want. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about what I want, it’s what he wants for me. I want to have a nice job with a nice living, but not something that’s so time consuming that I wake up at 3 AM to go down to work and come home at 11 like him. I have a feeling that he really doesn’t know a lot about me, and when I’m alone with him in a car it’s awkward because we have nothing to say. I want to grow up and keep my friends, and it’s pretty clear why he drove so many away and has none now.
The bottom line is that I’m out of options. I want to stay in this town, and remove him from my life. My mom doesn’t have a job and I’m assuming she couldn’t support me like this, although I’m pretty sure my parents hate each other and it seems like at any moment they are going to divorce.
i really don’t know what to tell you because i live in california, but i’ve never heard about someone who lives the same way i do. my dad doesn’t beat me, but he yells at me and tells me i’m a failure when i’ve gotten b+’s. i’m also a sophomore and freshman year i got a 4.0 gpa. but my dad stills tells me i don’t study enough and that i’ll never make it to my dream college, harvard, or any other college. actually currently my dad was yelling at me for not studying enough for my ap biology test. i studied hard but i took the first test i dont think i did so well. but anyway i think i know what you may be going through, everything you said is so similar to my situation, but unfortunately i don’t know what to tell you about options. it may not sound great but try to get through it as best you can, i do.